EATON Detroit Spring

If you are thin skinned, easily offended, worried about the correct pc, do not have a sense of humor, take life too seriously, are a fuddy duddy, cannot have a good time or forgot how to laugh............Do Not Proceed

Our President, Mike Eaton, goes off the deep end sometimes and some crazy things come out of his head.

We try to control him.......but he is known to be unstoppable!!!!

So live dangerously, many of the things he says may make you think.

Here is a neat little game -

test your hand - eye coordination.

A 2006 study found that the average American walks about 900 miles per year.
Another study found that Americans drink an average of 22 gallons of beer per year.
That means, on average, Americans get approximately 41 miles per gallon.

"The taxpayer: That's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." Ronald Reagan

An important Glossary Of Common Tools

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK"
- She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."

She is not a "DUMB BLONDE"
- She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."

She is not an "AIRHEAD"!
- She is "REALITY IMPAIRED."

She does not "NAG" you
- She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."

And to be fair -

LET'S SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

He does not have a "BEER GUT"
- He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."

He is not a "BAD DANCER"
- He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."

He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME"
- He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS."

He is not a "CRADLE ROBBER"
- He prefers "GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS."

He does not get "FALLING-DOWN DRUNK"
- He becomes "ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL."

He is not a "MALE CHAUVINIST PIG"
- He has "SWINE EMPATHY."

He is not afraid of "COMMITMENT"
- He is "RELATIONSHIP CHALLENGED."

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism

Life is sexually transmitted

The mind is like a parachute; it works much better when it's open.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at a tempting moment.

A penny saved...is a government oversight.

Birds of a feather flock together, and then they poop on your car.

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together.

By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends.

Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

Indecision is the key to flexibility.

Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

Someone who thinks logically is a nice contrast to the real world.

There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

There is no such thing as a useless person, they can always be used as an example.

'Stewardesses' is the longest word that is typed with only the left hand.

How many vegetarians do you know who wear leather coats?

Without "Coming up next" what would news casters have left to say?

While we are at it, take away "Basically", "You know" and "I mean" a lot of others would be unable to talk.

Basically, I mean that might not be too bad, you know.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

The Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune.

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press the Ctrl+Alt+Delete and start all over?

Just remember...if the world did not suck, we would all fall off.

The grass may be greener on the other side, but it still needs mowing.

As we slide down the banister of life, may all the splinters be going the other way.

I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, tipped the popcorn and spilled the drink. Boy all that ice sure chilled the mood.

That brings us to why there are teenagers...they are God's punishment for enjoying sex.

I joined a gym over the holidays and I am working on my abs, like I am ABSolutely too tired to work out, and I ABSolutely would like a pizza.

The reason I like women dressed in leather, they have that "new car smell"

Do you know if you give a man a twenty dollar bill you will feed him for a day.

But if you teach him how to make a twenty dollar bill he will be fed for three to five years.

If practice makes perfect, and no one is perfect, why practice?

I never criticize anyone until I've walked a mile in their shoes.

This way if they get mad at me they will be a mile away and barefooted.

When will they come out with a cell phone that has an accelerator?

And with most cell phones having cameras, why don't people take pictures of traffic accidents and send it to themselves?

What's Today?

Did you forget Penguin Awareness Day?

Don't let another National Couch Week pass you by!

Check here for the most up-to-date list of Strange & Unusual Holidays

What? You've never celebrated National Couch Week?

Other Stuff

Bet you didn't know Mike was also an award winning photographer?

He won an award for this one: